The Day Awaits Your Arrival

I gave up TV for lent this year.  No, I’m not Catholic, but my roomie is.  After our first year living together, I decided that it is a great practice of self-discipline to challenge myself with.

Junior year I gave up the E channel..I think I had an unhealthy Kardashian habit that need to be quickly nipped in the bud. 

Senior year I gave up meat…and ended up being vegetarian for a year and losing a ton of weight. 

Last year sweets and complaining were my 40 day sacrifice.  I gained better eating habits and a better attitude.

This year something greater was on the horizon.  Noise.  This little word had been on my heart for months.  My life is overwhelmed with noise.  At work I am bombarded with phone calls and emails during the day, then my building fills with 15,000 screaming fans on game nights.  On non game days, my TV is turned on before my car keys even hit my dresser.  TV is my escape.  It enables me to quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place.  And I’m not trying to throw a pity party here, but I have plenty of awful things going on in my life that I want to hide from. 

At work I can compartmentalize and keep my Happy Hannah face on and focus on my job rather than the elephant of hurt in my life.  At home, the TV keeps me from processing the pain.  That’s a good thing, right? 

Wait, shouldn’t that be God’s place in my life?  Shouldn’t I press into Him and reach for His guidance, even if it hurts, rather than escaping from it?  But my heart wasn't ready to face it.  For months, it was all I could do just to keep the face at work, I needed my escape at home. 

Give up the noise.

It’s not that I’m a saint.  I didn't give up TV for lent because the TV is wicked.  I walked away for forty days because I needed to deal with myself.  I needed to face my own hurt. Not to mention I needed time to be normal.  Time to do cute and fun things for myself. 

It wasn’t easy.  What does a person do when they get home from work when they are single and don’t have any plans for the night?  Surely, I would turn into a super Christian and spend hours reading and praying and dealing with my own heart.  And surely I would blog more.  Not exactly.  Well, not at first. 

I re-read Redeeming Love - always a favorite of mine.  I started a biography I had wanted to read.  I began the monster of organizing all my photos since I converted to a digital camera back in 2006.   My lunch breaks, previously spent flipping between The Nate Berkus show and Baby Story, were now spent catching up on Breakaway sermons.  

Then it happened.

One night, at 3am, I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't watch TV to help me fall asleep.  So, I prayed one of the most honest prayers I've prayed in a long time.  I told God I didn't understand at all what on earth He is doing in my family. I told Him that people have walked away from Him for much less. I told Him I was barely hanging on.  That the foundation of my faith was all that was allowing me to go on, that the walls had come tumbling down.  I told Him I barely knew how to pray anymore because I could barely think straight. I told Him I missed Him.  

A peace came over over me that I hadn't felt in months.  I felt like I had just woken up from months of sleepwalking.  Just existing.

My heart began to soften.  Anger began to dissipate.  All of the sudden I wanted to catch up with those friends I had been avoiding.  

I'm starting to wake up...  

Check your pulse

See if blood is rushing through

There should be a beating heart attached to you

We are sleepwalkers 

Alive but not in love

We've forgotten, we've abandoned

what it means to have life

The day awaits your arrival

The day is waiting for you to wake up

Chorus:

Wake up and breathe again

There is life outside

This room you've run around 

With your sleep-closed eyes

Come and see the daylight is running thin

Wake up and breathe

Life is short, there is so much to be said 

We should be the sign of life and not the dead

We're not lost stars, afraid of all this space

Let us light up, let us burn bright

And illuminate today

The day awaits your arrival

The day is waiting for you to wake up

I think it's time for you to open up your eyes

Spur58

Sleepwalkers