Truths for Mature Humans

It ridiculous how true these statements are now that I'm old.

Truths for Mature Humans

1. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
2. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
3. There is a great need for a sarcasm font. 
4. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
5. Was learning cursive really necessary?
6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.  I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.
7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
9. Bad decisions make good stories
10. You never know when it is going to strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Microsoft Word and it asked me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
13. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this- ever.
14. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring, but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times then goes to voice mail.  What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
15. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance all day. What a waste.
16. I keep some people's numbers in my phone just to know not to answer when they call.
17. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
18. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
19. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
20. I would rather carry ten overloaded plastic bags in each hand than to take to trips to take my groceries in.
21. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I am trying to finish a text.
22. I have hard time deciphering the fine line between hunger and boredom.
23. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just smile and nod because you still didn't hear a word they said?
24. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.  Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
25. Shirts get dirty.  Underwear gets dirty.  Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
26. Is is just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year?
27. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. 
28. As a driver, I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian, I hate drivers.  But no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
29. Sometimes, I'll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time is is.
30. Even under ideal conditions, people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey- but you better believe everyone can find and push the snooze button from three feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!