In the past few years my life had been full of major life decisions that have completely changed the direction of my life. Generally, I hold confidently to my choices.
However, I've been second guessing, questioning, and doubting almost every decision I've made lately. Getting caught up in such feelings are unsettling and steal all of my peace.
Did I make the right decision by moving back to Texas? What if my entire life and future were supposed to be in Arizona? What if that job with that software company in Phoenix was supposed to be my job with normal hours and a fraction of the stress that I long for now?
What peace?
Have I rushed into getting an apartment of my own? Should I have lived with family until I get my student loans paid off? I have a lot. I don't want to take debt into a marriage. Should I have even taken student loans? Are student loans unbiblical? I didn't know any better back then, and it was my only option to go to college. Was that a mistake?
What peace?
How is that with two weeks of moving to Arizona I was connected to an amazing Wednesday Bible Study with twenty wonderful ladies, but I've been in Texas for five months and I still don't even have a church home? Why would God bring me here and separate me from Christian fellowship? Am I not hearing Him clearly on where I am supposed to go to church? I found a church I really like, but wait, they are starting a downtown church plant that I feel drawn to. The catch: it doesn't open until September. Did I not feel God tugging on my heart towards the downtown church? Should I try to plug into a Sunday School at the main church in the mean time?
What peace?
Why is it that I am making a conscious effort to repair my relationship with my Dad and include him in my life by asking for his help or opinion on things and it just turns into a fight? Why do I even bother?
What peace?
How on earth can I be a light in my workplace when I struggle to have joy with a crummy situation? How can they see I'm different when I get caught up in the drama and the complaining like everyone else? Does anyone even notice my efforts at work? How come every time I feel strengthened in God's call to my job, the next day is even worse?
What peace?
However, I've been second guessing, questioning, and doubting almost every decision I've made lately. Getting caught up in such feelings are unsettling and steal all of my peace.
Did I make the right decision by moving back to Texas? What if my entire life and future were supposed to be in Arizona? What if that job with that software company in Phoenix was supposed to be my job with normal hours and a fraction of the stress that I long for now?
What peace?
Have I rushed into getting an apartment of my own? Should I have lived with family until I get my student loans paid off? I have a lot. I don't want to take debt into a marriage. Should I have even taken student loans? Are student loans unbiblical? I didn't know any better back then, and it was my only option to go to college. Was that a mistake?
What peace?
How is that with two weeks of moving to Arizona I was connected to an amazing Wednesday Bible Study with twenty wonderful ladies, but I've been in Texas for five months and I still don't even have a church home? Why would God bring me here and separate me from Christian fellowship? Am I not hearing Him clearly on where I am supposed to go to church? I found a church I really like, but wait, they are starting a downtown church plant that I feel drawn to. The catch: it doesn't open until September. Did I not feel God tugging on my heart towards the downtown church? Should I try to plug into a Sunday School at the main church in the mean time?
What peace?
Why is it that I am making a conscious effort to repair my relationship with my Dad and include him in my life by asking for his help or opinion on things and it just turns into a fight? Why do I even bother?
What peace?
How on earth can I be a light in my workplace when I struggle to have joy with a crummy situation? How can they see I'm different when I get caught up in the drama and the complaining like everyone else? Does anyone even notice my efforts at work? How come every time I feel strengthened in God's call to my job, the next day is even worse?
What peace?
What peace, what peace for those whose confidence is Him alone.
Comments
Sometimes it takes "second-guessing, questioning, and doubting" to find that Jesus is our Prince of Peace. I remember years ago talking with Mrs. Hartzel and saying (concerning the Names of God), "How are we going to KNOW Him as Jehovah-Shalom unless we need peace?"
"To see the King in His beauty must be our one desiring; to hunger, thirst, and take our fill of Him. And if He makes us stand in some obscure and darkened corner of His palace yard, we can be sure He puts us there because from that distinct advantage, we, with our present stature, will behold Him best whenever He comes passing by." Geoffrey Bull
Seeing your confidence in Him -
Mom