This week I am posting my journal entry from September 17, 2005.
Make sure you start from the beginning, first read,
"The day seemed so long. I guess because I had been up since 3:00 a.m. I had called Michael and told him he could come over around 4:00. Nana called and asked is she could come over. Dad told her Mom didn’t really want to visit, but she wouldn’t turn her own sister away. Nana said that was o.k., she was outside, but was going to turn around. Mom told her she could come in and be with the kids. I ran outside to meet her. I hugged her and cried and said “I’m so glad you got to spend time with Dinah yesterday.”
I got out two photo albums that began July 2004, when Dinah got sick. I’m sooo glad I have so many pictures. Michael, Peyton, and Matt Walton came over. Mr. and Mrs. Walton came too. We all just sat in the front of the house. Some on the stairs, some in the dining room, some on the floor. I looked at pictures with Nana. Lana called, and I walked away and talked to her for a minute. Mrs. Bailey, Ryan, and Austen came over to bring dinner. I was sitting on the floor and got up and hugged Austen and just sobbed on his shoulder. I didn’t even care that I was in the middle of all those people. Eventually, Mr. Heafner, Ms. Kim Huff, Linda May, and Mrs. Bowman came over, too. At one point I just went in Dad’s office to just be by myself. Austen came and checked on me. He helped me figure out what to say when I emailed my professors telling them I’d be missing class. Austen had to go.
People eventually cleared out. I don’t even remember when or how they left. Sarah H. called me and said she’d pick me up and we could go somewhere. She said she had free movie passes, but I didn’t feel like sitting through a movie. I knew I’d cry the whole time. We met at Starbucks instead. She gave me a hug and said she had something for me. It was a card and the new Switchfoot CD. She said she hoped it’d make me feel a little better. (When Dinah went into ICU, that was a really rough week and that Saturday I bought The Killers CD to make me feel a little better. I told Sarah H that. On Sunday she said she hoped I had a better week and I said, “I hope so, or I’m going to have to buy a lot of CD’s.) She got something at Starbucks then we walked over to Jamba Juice so I could get something from there. We sat and I told her everything that had happened. She just listened and said what an amazing story it was. It was just what I needed. To be able to tell the story to someone who cared.
Stephanie, Ben and Nick met us there after they went bowling. Stephanie gave me a hug. It was a little uncomfortable with them being there because none of them said they were sorry or acknowledged what happened. (Well, Steph asked how Micah was). I finally just said I was leaving. My emotions were still in shock and I wasn’t really ready to socialize. It was awkward. All they had to say was sorry. I don’t blame them, though. People never know if it’s o.k. to say something in times like this. The rest of the night was kind of a blur. I think I helped Mom look through some pictures to pick out some for the slide show at the funeral. I couldn’t even tell you what else I did before I went to bed."
More tomorrow...
Make sure you start from the beginning, first read,
"The day seemed so long. I guess because I had been up since 3:00 a.m. I had called Michael and told him he could come over around 4:00. Nana called and asked is she could come over. Dad told her Mom didn’t really want to visit, but she wouldn’t turn her own sister away. Nana said that was o.k., she was outside, but was going to turn around. Mom told her she could come in and be with the kids. I ran outside to meet her. I hugged her and cried and said “I’m so glad you got to spend time with Dinah yesterday.”
I got out two photo albums that began July 2004, when Dinah got sick. I’m sooo glad I have so many pictures. Michael, Peyton, and Matt Walton came over. Mr. and Mrs. Walton came too. We all just sat in the front of the house. Some on the stairs, some in the dining room, some on the floor. I looked at pictures with Nana. Lana called, and I walked away and talked to her for a minute. Mrs. Bailey, Ryan, and Austen came over to bring dinner. I was sitting on the floor and got up and hugged Austen and just sobbed on his shoulder. I didn’t even care that I was in the middle of all those people. Eventually, Mr. Heafner, Ms. Kim Huff, Linda May, and Mrs. Bowman came over, too. At one point I just went in Dad’s office to just be by myself. Austen came and checked on me. He helped me figure out what to say when I emailed my professors telling them I’d be missing class. Austen had to go.
People eventually cleared out. I don’t even remember when or how they left. Sarah H. called me and said she’d pick me up and we could go somewhere. She said she had free movie passes, but I didn’t feel like sitting through a movie. I knew I’d cry the whole time. We met at Starbucks instead. She gave me a hug and said she had something for me. It was a card and the new Switchfoot CD. She said she hoped it’d make me feel a little better. (When Dinah went into ICU, that was a really rough week and that Saturday I bought The Killers CD to make me feel a little better. I told Sarah H that. On Sunday she said she hoped I had a better week and I said, “I hope so, or I’m going to have to buy a lot of CD’s.) She got something at Starbucks then we walked over to Jamba Juice so I could get something from there. We sat and I told her everything that had happened. She just listened and said what an amazing story it was. It was just what I needed. To be able to tell the story to someone who cared.
Stephanie, Ben and Nick met us there after they went bowling. Stephanie gave me a hug. It was a little uncomfortable with them being there because none of them said they were sorry or acknowledged what happened. (Well, Steph asked how Micah was). I finally just said I was leaving. My emotions were still in shock and I wasn’t really ready to socialize. It was awkward. All they had to say was sorry. I don’t blame them, though. People never know if it’s o.k. to say something in times like this. The rest of the night was kind of a blur. I think I helped Mom look through some pictures to pick out some for the slide show at the funeral. I couldn’t even tell you what else I did before I went to bed."
More tomorrow...
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