This week I am posting my journal entry from September 17, 2005.
"I sat outside Dinah’s room crying. This couldn’t be real. Dinah’s body couldn’t be laying lifeless in her bed. She was supposed to get better. She was supposed to grow up and tell her story. I wanted her to go to my wedding and I wanted to go to hers. She’s gone. She’s never coming home. Our family isn’t whole anymore. Now we are only seven kids. That’s not right, it’s just not right. My baby sister is gone. I’ll miss her so much. Oh God, I’ll miss her. Right now, I can’t even imagine growing up without her. It doesn’t seem real. I can’t believe Dinah is never again going to ask me to crawl into her bed and lay with her. We won’t get to be “snuggle bunnies” anymore. She was so strong. She fought. She made a different in this world. In her 12 years on earth she touched the hearts of countless people. Most people don’t make that impact in a lifetime. Her life and her struggle was not in vain. Her life pointed to Jesus, and she now rests in His arms. She’s healed.
While everyone was helping pack up Mom’s stuff, I sat outside the room crying. When everything was ready to go I went in with the rest of the family. We sang, “Amazing Grace” and said our final goodbyes. Dad saw the butterfly ring on her finger and just started weeping at how beautiful she was. Everyone made their way out. I held back for a minute after everyone was out and just whispered how much I loved her and would miss her. Then, I walked out. I hugged Mom. I cried. She whispered, “You don’t have to be a Mom anymore, you can rest. Mom is coming home.” I then shook the hand of the young man who had been taking care of Dinah and told him thanks.
Dad came up and told us we had to go because he left the cars in valet parking spots and the security guard told him not to be long. Mrs. Shirley Walton sent me a text message saying to call her when I got the chance. I rode home with Bekah, Leah, and Deborah. Deborah was crying and I just held her hand. She started reading a book so she settle down. I kept crying. Deborah asked what was wrong. I said I was sad, but that it was o.k. to be sad and cry.
Everyone was exhausted when we got home around 10:30 a.m. Dad went right to bed as did Bekah, Micah, and Leah. Mom said she needed to nap and asked me to call Ms. Sandy (Bouchard) in California and ask her to come down. After I did that I went to my computer to save pictures onto a disk, but the computer froze. I called Mrs. Shirley and talked to her for a minute. She said her and Mr. Walton were coming over later in the day. I just went and laid down on my bed to rest. For some reason I couldn’t fall asleep even though I was absolutely exhausted. I called Mark (my boss) and told him I’d be taking the week off. Danyell called me. She was crying and said she was so sorry and that she didn’t even know what she was supposed to say. I called Stephanie and left her a voice mail telling her. I also called Sarah Hroch and told her. She started crying and said she was so sorry. She said she would call me later. Danyell came over and sat with Sarah and me in our room and cried with us and listened to us.
Austen called and said he was on his way home from practice PSATs and would stop by. We sat on the porch together. Sarah Keifer and her mom came over and brought a platter of Chick-Fil-A nuggets, a platter of wraps, and one of brownies. I think it was around 1:00 p.m. I was starving because I hadn’t eaten since Friday night. Danyell had to go, so I walked her out and hugged her and thanked her for coming. Austen and Sarah Keifer stayed. We all ate and Sarah K “took care of us” and got lunch all together for us.
Bekah, Leah, and Judah were still sleeping. Poor Judah - he told Mom when he woke up he thought it was all a dream - until he saw her at home - because she “lived” at the hospital. Some of Sarah’s friends drove down from A&M to be with her. They just hung out and helped Mom fold clothes and straightened up the kitchen for her. Stephanie called and I talked to her for a minute. She said she would come over after church on Sunday to check on me.
While we were eating, Austen’s friend Jaime called him and he told him that he was at my house. Jaime asked if it was important and Austen asked me if he could tell him. I said yes, people were going to know, so he walked away from the table to tell him. Austen said he was silent, then said to tell us he’d be praying for us, then hung up. Austen needed to go to Wired to pick up some fliers and Mom said I could go with him. We dropped them off at Jaime’s house."
More tomorrow...
To start from the beginning, first read:
"I sat outside Dinah’s room crying. This couldn’t be real. Dinah’s body couldn’t be laying lifeless in her bed. She was supposed to get better. She was supposed to grow up and tell her story. I wanted her to go to my wedding and I wanted to go to hers. She’s gone. She’s never coming home. Our family isn’t whole anymore. Now we are only seven kids. That’s not right, it’s just not right. My baby sister is gone. I’ll miss her so much. Oh God, I’ll miss her. Right now, I can’t even imagine growing up without her. It doesn’t seem real. I can’t believe Dinah is never again going to ask me to crawl into her bed and lay with her. We won’t get to be “snuggle bunnies” anymore. She was so strong. She fought. She made a different in this world. In her 12 years on earth she touched the hearts of countless people. Most people don’t make that impact in a lifetime. Her life and her struggle was not in vain. Her life pointed to Jesus, and she now rests in His arms. She’s healed.
While everyone was helping pack up Mom’s stuff, I sat outside the room crying. When everything was ready to go I went in with the rest of the family. We sang, “Amazing Grace” and said our final goodbyes. Dad saw the butterfly ring on her finger and just started weeping at how beautiful she was. Everyone made their way out. I held back for a minute after everyone was out and just whispered how much I loved her and would miss her. Then, I walked out. I hugged Mom. I cried. She whispered, “You don’t have to be a Mom anymore, you can rest. Mom is coming home.” I then shook the hand of the young man who had been taking care of Dinah and told him thanks.
Dad came up and told us we had to go because he left the cars in valet parking spots and the security guard told him not to be long. Mrs. Shirley Walton sent me a text message saying to call her when I got the chance. I rode home with Bekah, Leah, and Deborah. Deborah was crying and I just held her hand. She started reading a book so she settle down. I kept crying. Deborah asked what was wrong. I said I was sad, but that it was o.k. to be sad and cry.
Everyone was exhausted when we got home around 10:30 a.m. Dad went right to bed as did Bekah, Micah, and Leah. Mom said she needed to nap and asked me to call Ms. Sandy (Bouchard) in California and ask her to come down. After I did that I went to my computer to save pictures onto a disk, but the computer froze. I called Mrs. Shirley and talked to her for a minute. She said her and Mr. Walton were coming over later in the day. I just went and laid down on my bed to rest. For some reason I couldn’t fall asleep even though I was absolutely exhausted. I called Mark (my boss) and told him I’d be taking the week off. Danyell called me. She was crying and said she was so sorry and that she didn’t even know what she was supposed to say. I called Stephanie and left her a voice mail telling her. I also called Sarah Hroch and told her. She started crying and said she was so sorry. She said she would call me later. Danyell came over and sat with Sarah and me in our room and cried with us and listened to us.
Austen called and said he was on his way home from practice PSATs and would stop by. We sat on the porch together. Sarah Keifer and her mom came over and brought a platter of Chick-Fil-A nuggets, a platter of wraps, and one of brownies. I think it was around 1:00 p.m. I was starving because I hadn’t eaten since Friday night. Danyell had to go, so I walked her out and hugged her and thanked her for coming. Austen and Sarah Keifer stayed. We all ate and Sarah K “took care of us” and got lunch all together for us.
Bekah, Leah, and Judah were still sleeping. Poor Judah - he told Mom when he woke up he thought it was all a dream - until he saw her at home - because she “lived” at the hospital. Some of Sarah’s friends drove down from A&M to be with her. They just hung out and helped Mom fold clothes and straightened up the kitchen for her. Stephanie called and I talked to her for a minute. She said she would come over after church on Sunday to check on me.
While we were eating, Austen’s friend Jaime called him and he told him that he was at my house. Jaime asked if it was important and Austen asked me if he could tell him. I said yes, people were going to know, so he walked away from the table to tell him. Austen said he was silent, then said to tell us he’d be praying for us, then hung up. Austen needed to go to Wired to pick up some fliers and Mom said I could go with him. We dropped them off at Jaime’s house."
More tomorrow...
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